The creepiest comedy show I have ever done

Last night I did an open mic at the Underground Lounge, a Monday open mic mainstay at 7:30. It went well; some new jokes went over well. Then I had to run because I had been booked at a hostel on 106th Street and Central Park West named Jazz On The Park.

Now there is currently a movie called Hostel II out in theaters right now, which is a series that showcases young tourists in Europe who get sucked into a game where they are tortured and killed for sport. If the hostels look anything like the place I was performing then the victims were given fair warning.

Showtime was 8:30. At the time there were 3 comics and two audience members (both friends of the emcee I believe). The mic was a small microphone plugged into a small two speaker stereo. The room policy was BYOB. In other words: thanks for stopping by, but mostly stay classy (this month’s random Anchorman quote).

At 8:50 pm the other comic left.

At 9:05 pm the show started and one more comic showed up and an Asian man who I believe was an audience member or lost.

The emcee warmed up the crowd with about 8 minutes before bringing me up. By the time that I got up a British man and a couple of women had come down. When my set began we were now at 6 or 7 audience. I began with my first joke about The Price is Right because the microphone was very thin. Halfway through (of a tried and tested joke) I asked “who has heard of The Price Is Right?” Two people raised their hands. Damn you foreigners!

I did pretty well and left just as 4 more audience came down. I exited through the lobby of the hostel, whose clientele resembled that of the Star Wars cantina.

I left, bought myself a Snickers ice cream bar and went to bed. Just happy to be alive after that show. Perhaps that could be the tagline of Hostel III. Or…

Comedians telling jokes to foreigners. But when the hostel is in America, THE JOKE’S ON THEM!

or

Comedians beware: Either kill OR BE KILLED!

or

Do Shows at Jazz on the Park and reduce your chances of living until the next day by 40%