Blog #5 of the 1st Year: Never Underestimate The Power of the Handicapped. (from 9/12/06)

On my way home from work (yes, despite my strong 55th place showing at the Boston Comedy Festival I still have my day job) I saw something interesting. Passing through a neighborhood known as Kingsbridge Heights I was walking to the bus that would take me home. I saw the usual thing: young men hanging on street corners, woman ranging from the pornographic to the diabetic, and then I saw her: A woman in her late 30s in a wheel chair.

As I waited for the bus I noticed that the woman was not bad looking. Not great looking, but nice enough that most people will have a more sympathetic reaction, as if to say: “Awwww, she was nice looking – it’s a shame what happened to her,” while implying, “If she had been ugly she may not have found a mate anyway, so the wheel chair is more of an inconvenience than an actual life-changing event.”

But more striking than her looks, which were not very striking was the fact that she was a drug dealer.

As I stood in my suit and government issued haircut I noticed a woman approach her and hand her a ten dollar bill, to which drugs on wheels said: “Why you doing this sh-t out in the open?” and handed her a small baggie for the money.

So from now on I think it’s important for people to know that just because someone is handicapped does not mean that they too can’t be a piece of sh-t. She is helping her community mirror her legs, atrophied and decaying. Doesn’t she know that is the government’s job to maintain a permanent underclass? That’s why we pay our taxes, so please leave it to the elected professionals. But then before I got too serious I thought to myself, what kind of jokes can I make at this drug dealer’s expense?

1) What does the sign on her bathroom look like – is it one of those wheelchairs, but instead of a stick figure it is Scarface sitting slouched in the chair?

2) Has she lost her amateur status or can she compete in the Special Olympics’ “Deal and flee from the police” event?

3) I wonder if she can still have kids. There are a lot of people who shouldn’t be having kids having kids. I guess the next step is that those who can’t have kid have kids. It would be like a miracle if she did have a kid though. My guess is that his name would be Jesus.

Just thought I would share that story with you. Have a nice primary day.