Where kids learn to work and play well with others… or else.

The first leg of my DC weekend tour is complete having just accompanied my nephew to Gymboree (pictures will be posted by Monday night).

Gymboree is a fascinating place. The Silver Spring, Maryland chapter, which is the one we went to, is run by “Ms. Rita” a pleasant woman who insists on pronouncing my nephew’s name, which is Gabriel, as Gabrielle. I assume she will call my new nephew, Julian, Julie Ann.

When we get there, Gabriel proceeds to stalk a young boy for his toy guitar for approximately 10 minutes. The boy’s father coaxes his son to give Gabriel the guitar, which is probably not a helpful lesson for Gabriel. Gabriel is having a tough time adjusting to life as an older brother. I am not saying that he is unhappy having a new brother, but I did catch him placing a pillow over Julian’s head last night while drooling the words, “Go to sleep.”

So after Gabriel gave up on the guitar he next became obsessed with wearing a helmet a police helmet to be exact. I just kept hoping that he would not be wearing one to school five years from now on the short bus. Gabriel would later sob uncontrollably when asked to give up the helmet.

My favorite part of Gymboree activities are the group activities where parents have to be half encouraging, half disciplinarians to get their children to cooperate. One parent might as well have been saying, “ok sit down and play, sit down and have fun and play, WILL YOU SIT THE FU-K DOWN AND FU-KING PLAY!!!” Obviously he did not say it, but I know what he was thinking.

As the group games began they brought out Jimbo, a clown-like doll, and began singing (actually just Ms. Rita) “We Want Jimbo” to the tune of We Will Rock You. So badass. Also Jimbo gives al the kids kisses, but I laughed inside when one father said to his son – “just Hi-five Jimbo.” And then it dawned on me that Jimbo is probably part of the Democrats’ homosexual agenda, considering the fact that Jimbo’s full name is Jimbo McGreevy and that he was wearing a t-shirt that read: I am a Gay Gymboree Clown American.

Then came my proudest moment of the day. We were all playing a parachute game where we create a massive tent for the children, basically by trapping them inside a parachute. But who do you think discovered a weak spot in the structure of the tent and led a jailbreak? Gabriel. It was like watching the show Prison Break, but in diapers.

After Gabriel’s outburst when he had to leave the helmet we went to play near a fountain in the nearby shopping center. Gabriel’s Mom went to buy some books so I had the pleasure of watching Gabriel chase after little girls. If he were twenty years older he would have been charged with stalking, menacing and assault, but because he is 2 1/2 he can get away with it. As I learned, Gabriel is in a neighborhood play group during the week and all the other playmates are girls so they often play a game called “Get Gabriel.” However, Gabriel has not yet realized that not every girl under the age of five is aware of this game , so it looked a little weird when he ran up to a girl, tapped her face and said “Get Gabriel” and then ran away laughing hysterically.

Now I am back home about to read to Gabriel. Perhaps something from the DC Penal Code on harassment.