Two places for women who seek pregnancy.

There has been a story recently about a pact several girls (mostly high school sophomores) in Gloucester, MA who decided they all wanted to get pregnant. And many of them did, causing the worst disaster to affect Gloucester, MA since The Perfect Storm (both the actual tragedy of the storm that killed several fishermen, as well as the terrible film about it). In some articles I have read, it has been called the Juno effect, giving me yet another reason to hate that film. Between 17 and 20 high school sophomores at this high school became pregnant. One went so far as to get impregnated by a homeless man, which is a pretty interesting coincidence since the yearbook staff picked her as most likely to smell like urine.

It has become fashionable or intellectual to decry morals or ethics, especially when they come from centers of power like religions or government, but the truth is clearly these girls could use some help from someone. And this is not about any one hot button issue, but we are increasingly apathetic to war, STDs are rising again and we are becoming a country with a wider gap between rich and poor. Instead of “Yes we can,” perhaps Obama’s mantra should be, “Maybe we shouldn’t.”

The hypocrisy of the social conservatives makes their message seem less worthy, but there is still some value to appreciating and believing in something other than “having fun” and trying to always be happy. There is some sh*t in the world that requires people to take notice and sometimes be unhappy with it. Like the homeless woman who lives outside my building. She is about 65, sleeping on the street in rags. Sometimes I, and others, bring her water or granola bars, etc. I would actually bring her a meal everyday, but she seems uncomfortable with commitment so I am trying to give her her space. And just the other day I brought her a cookie and she said, “This is not working, the guy down the block brought me a slice of pizza and you bring me a cookie?” Even homeless women in this city have a sense of entitlement. But I digress…

Perhaps the situation in Gloucester also drew attention because it was a bunch of girls in a white town in Massachusetts and not some black and latina girls in the Bronx. As Eminem said, “was never a problem in Harlem only in Boston, after it bothered the fathers of daughters starting to blossom.”

And fu-king a homeless guy? That will make an awkward prom date. “Yeah, Bob is so mature unlike these high school guys and he can buy us beer, but he needs money, and a driver’s license, and lithium.”

On the flip side is the more conventional way to get pregnant… the NBA Draft. One of these days I am going to go out with my friend Manny (6’7″ from Zimbabwe, built like an NBA small forward and has requisite ear bling), put on a 5 button suit and my Utah Jazz draft cap and say that I was the 33rd pick of the draft and that Manny was the 31st pick of the draft. We will go to a Manhattan club and similar to the attention we got when we merely stood next to the Giant’s Michael Strahan in a bar a few years ago, we will watch the money hungry chicks (sorry – security hungry chicks) come. Some might think this is a little sleazy and shady, but if a woman who does not know enough about the sport to know that I do not play, but likes the money associated with it so much that she is willing to throw herself at someone who may have been drafted, isn’t she getting the reward commensurate with her character? In fact, perhaps our sleaziness could be just the wake up call she needs to stop living such a shallow life. So, in advance air-headed gold diggers, I say you are welcome. Yes we can.