Pearl Harbor Day – and my brother and nephew’s birthday

If you read the subtitle I assure you that I am not from the deep rural south and that my brother and nephew are two separate people. Happy Birthday Henri (35) and Gabriel (3). Awwwwww.

Before 9/11, September the 11th and Rudy Giuliani Day there was December 7th. As most History scholars know, December 7, 1941 was the day that Iran attacked our freedoms because that liberal pussy FDR was afraid to do anything.

But our country was able to move past the tragedy of Pearl Harbor and we grew strong and prosperous as a nation. And I think the final sign that we had overcome our national grief was when Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Jerry Bruckheimer made one of the worst films of all time. By honoring tragedy with a terrible movie we showed that we were ready to be happy again. December 7, 1941 was called “a date that will live on in infamy.” I submit that May 25, 2001, the day Pearl Harbor opened, helped bring that infamy to a close. And Hollywood, before the ’08 elections I think it is time to work your healing powers once again.

Now Rudy Giuliani does not want a bad movie to be made about 9/11, and not just for cinematic reasons. His whole candidacy is predicated on the fact that he wore a mask and walked around midtown on 9/11. By the reaction he gets with regard to 9/11 leadership I’d swear he stopped the planes mid-flight a la Superman Returns. Now he got a scare when Oliver Stone directed the sneering Nicholas Cage (with a mustache) in World Trade Center, but it was generally an ok film. That is why Hollywood (Evangelical Baldwin and deranged Ron Silver – father of an elementary school classmate of mine and one of 1500 men to bang Madonna, excused) needs to get Dane Cook, Martin Lawrence and Colin Farrell in “September the 11th.”

With Cook as Bush II (“Mission Accomplished, IN THE FACE!”), Lawrence as Colin Powell (“Gets to steppin’ UN, can’t you see these mobile stations from the satellite photos?), and Collin Farrell (just tell him to act the same as he did in Miami Vice as a character we’ll invent) there is no way Rudy will be able to use this tragedy in a campaign. If that movie were made people would have to start to move past the tragedy and start to look at other issues affecting the US and A, like why people pay money to see these three men in films.