Mike Tyson and the Fraternity

I have heard many things about the West Coast and so far they have all been true. Here is what I have seen so far.

TRUE THING #1 – San Diego has beautiful weather.

I spent the first 3 days of my California vacation in San Diego and the weather was insanely beautiful. High 70s, sunny, not even a white cloud in the sky. Downside – it was me, my girlfriend and her best friend which meant that the conversation was 90% things a guy would never want to hear (fluids, ex boyfriends, ex boyfriends and their fluids- those sorts of things).

TRUE THING#2 – You will probably see celebrities in LA.

My first celebrity sighting was Mike Tyson, two blocks form my hotel. He was talking to three blonde women. I figured maybe they had not gotten the news so I informed them that he was Mike Tyson. They responeded “we know” so I said, Mike Tyson, the ear-biting rapist and they said, “Oh my God I knew he was famous. I told you!” Then I ran away from Mike Tyson.

TRUE THING #3 – People in LA are very vain.

This is true. The gym was full of preening and posing and strutting. And to preemptively quote Jerry Seinfeld (“not that there’s anything wrong with that!”) the gym was 98% gay men. I wasn’t sure if it was some sort of a theme day or something, but there were about 60 people in the gym. One half Haitian giant (me), 6 women, one other straight dude and 52 gay dudes. It then dawned on me that this must be a terrific city to be a straight dude.

Other things I have done – I performed at the Hollywood Improv where there was a fraternity from USC watching. That was fun, but I don’t think I had enough binge-drinking, sluts and date rape material to keep them happy. Still some of them told me good show.

Then we went out drinking at the clubby/lounge at my hotel (which is so trendy that they have mermaids and mermen sitting in the lobby – last night the mermaid was checking her e-mail in a glass case, presumably a glass case of emotion). While at the lounge my girlfriend decided to get in a verbal argument with a fat pig of a man who claimed to be a big drug dealer. Hopefully he has been shot or eaten himself to death.

Pictures to follow, as are more details of the trip. Laugh Factory tonight and tomorrow night.