Looking to hire a nutritionist to travel to gigs with me.

Well, yesterday I advanced to the second round of the Boston Comedy Festival with 45 seconds of height material, 3 minutes and 30 seconds of Obama material and 45 seconds on how may parents met – in other words two of my “greatest hits” and my current chart topper, and by chart topper I mean my most recent bit that does not suck.

The real story of the day was that it was the most unhealthy 24 hours of eating of my life. Probably the reason I would not be successful as a road comic is that I would balloon to 300+ pounds and have a heart attack in my 40s. Here is my diet (sort of like Michael Phelps, but instead of swimming 800 miles to burn it off I sat typing on a laptop.

breakfast – low carb protein shake following a run/lift (pretty good start)

lunch – water, turkey sandwich (also pretty good)

afternoon snack – peanut M&Ms, water (not too bad, what am I talking about)

dinner – burger and fries from the Hard Rock Cafe – one of the three greasiest burgers I’ve ever had

killing time before the show snack – two chocolate sticks from Dunkin’ Donuts (these particular donuts are not found in NY and are delicious – they are chocolate crullers that are glazed – they also make anyone who orders them sound like they are speaking dialogue from an interracial porn or in my case 3/4 single race, gay porn).

After show, waiting for the train meal – McDonald #10 meal – in Boston that is 10 piece chicken nuggets, fries and drink (heart starting to hurt)

On train meal – two Entenmenn’s Danishes and a pack of Peanut M&Ms (artery fully clogged).

Get home at 210 am meal – stare at the mirror in my bathroom in absolute disgust. Pass out during Mad Men on my DVR and wake up with Type II diabetes.