I will start eating right on February 2nd.

I woke up Super Bowl Sunday with my first 2 day hangover (lingering from a Friday night that started at Brother Jimmy’s at 8 pm (after doing a show for 4 people at Gotham Comedy Club – not a misprint), with a Frank the Tank like, “Alright I’ll have one beer.”  After watching Federer-Nadal on DVR I had a great idea to go to IHOP on 135th and Adam Clayton Blvd.   Of course IHOP is stereotypically popular among black people (I do feel like I am getting back to half of my roots when I go to IHOP, but I did not get there until 2 so I figured it would be empty.  However, black people are stereotypically late so when those two stereotypes meet it means a 30 minute wait for pancakes.

Before getting my seat I saw that it was all-you-can-eat pancakes at IHOP.  In my heyday I could put away 10 pancakes, a milkshake and an order of sausage.  This time I could only put away one order of 5 with a shake and sausage (a paltry 1800 calories).  Shockingly I saw that a woman named Kiki holds the current record at that location with 32 pancakes.  I asked about this pancake devouring behemoth at the IHOP and was told she was a skinny little woman.  I then asked if she made a lot of trips to the bathroom during to wretch and was told that she did not.  Kiki – I am nominating for an Anderson Cooper Hero Award in 2009.

After IHOP I went to Crumbs to pickup a cupcake – my guess is that a Crumbs cupcake (cookie dough flavored) is about 600 calories.  I then waddled home to prepare for a Super Bowl party.

My friends who throw a great Super Bowl Party threw one last year and I had forgot the quality and effort they put in.  There were numerous dips and hors d’oeuvres of which I ate all (including a measly 10 pigs in blankets, well off my 2007 record haul of 40).  Then came pizza, pasta and garlic knots, even though Springsteen yelled at me to put down my guacamole and chicken fingers.  Then came cupcakes, cookies and apple crisp.  Then came a huge headache and belly ache.  It sucks when you can only half enjoy your team’s 6th Super Bowl victory because you are falling into a diabetic coma.  I entered Super Bowl Sunday Vin Diesel and left Paul Blart.  I truly felt like the 12 Amstel Lights I brought were inadequate for the banquet I was pillaging. 

As of this writing I am still full.