B. September 7, 2004 D. December 14, 2007

Today marks the end of my career as a prosecutor in Bronx County. This means that as of 5 pm today 15-20 minutes of material will have a government censor removed.

When I told current co-workers that I was leaving the question from about 50% was, “To do comedy?” Very close, if you consider billable hours and corporate clients hilarious. That’s right; I am going into private practice for a big law firm.

Some people have feared that this may adversely affect my burgeoning comedy career, but hopefully the writers’ strike will last 10-15 years and then I can laugh at all those entertainers and say, “Don’t you wish you had done something a little more conventional and responsible back in ‘07.”

But this has also caused me to reflect on my career as a prosecutor. I think when I came into the DA’s office they thought based on my size and pedigree that I would be a Dwight Howard – unstoppable in court and unstoppable in DA basketball games. Instead for the first part of my tenure I proved to be more Kwame Brown-ish. Eventually I think I will settle on a Marcus Camby-like career – started slow and then sold out for big money and proved worth it.

And other things you may have wondered:

I was .500 as a prosecutor. I think that puts me in the playoffs, but as a low seed.

I appear to be the tallest person at my new firm. I am already dusting off the following phrase: “Yes, I am very tall, 6’7”. Yeah, really tall – yes I played in college.”

Thanks Bronx DA’s Office.