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Comedy: A Love Story

I’m Mad As hell… And Will Probably Take It Some More

In what is becoming a tiresome ritual for even my mother to read about, last week I suffered another mild indignity at a comedy club.  But this new one both angered me and perplexed me in equal measure and forced me to take a step back and look more globally at comedy.  I wish I could say I’m mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, but I love comedy (the performance and writing aspects) and know that I will endure the accompanying bullsh*t long after it is sensible to (are we there yet?).

Comedians can be mad as hell, but they will take some more.

Comedians can be mad as hell, but they will take some more.

It was the line outside for New York Funniest Comedian, a fraudulent open call to all comics in New York.  Now most comics of any established reputation in NYC that wanted to compete called the club ahead of time and got a specific call time.  This is allowed for a couple of reasons: comics that the club likes or respects (or are affiliated or managed with people the club respects) should not have to waste their time and/or suffer the indignity of waiting on line for hours to do two minutes of material.  The other reason is that the club already knows who they want to put forward into the competition at least 99% of the time.

I chose not to call ahead because some self-righteous aspect of my personality wanted to be rejected from the line.  I know that subconsciously I enjoy enduring the hypocrisy and lies of this business in some sort of self-righteous self-indulgence, even if it just for me and a few loyal readers (if Hunter S Thompson was a gonzo journalist, so maybe I have a future career as a depresso-journalist).  So I waited on line for four and a half hours outside of Caroline’s on Broadway as I watched comic after comic that could be considered in my peer group in the business walk in for their “audition,” which, I learned later,  just amounted to saying hello to the booker and being put on the list of those that are actually being considered for a spot in the semi-finals (taking place tonight and tomorrow night).

Well after waiting all that time I was spotted at the front of the line by a Caroline’s employee and was told, “Oh, J-L, you can go down (to audition right away).” I felt a little guilty, but that guilt was assuaged by the rationalization that I had waited the exact same amount of time as the rest of the comedy proletariat.  When I got downstairs I went inside and was not required to do any stand up whatsoever.  I was just told that I would be on one of the semi-finals shows on Tuesday or Wednesday.  I left sort of relieved, but sort of disgusted.  I had friends (or at least friendly acquaintances) waiting on line upstairs, with literally no chance at making it, no matter how good their audition.  But we will get back to the story a bit later.

Believe (Almost) No One

“______ is looking for new talent to bring into the club for paid work.  ________ will be watching these shows so definitely sign up.”

This was an excerpt from an e-mail I received about 6 months ago.  I did one of these shows, a bringer (aka the crack cocaine of the comedy world where you are required to bring friends, family, co-workers) as a warm up for a television audition.  I was well beyond the delusion that had plaguedme for years that anything career changing would happen from this bringer, but I wanted to do a show that would help me prepare for the audition.  Well after the show, unsolicited, I received a glowing review from “______”. 

So in a moment of temporary insanity I emailed that club’s booker and was told, “We like you, but right now we have too many comics for the spots open.” I accepted that as truthful words from people who had been nice to me for many years.  However, kind words can best be summarized by Al Capone from the film The Untouchables: “You can get a lot further with a kind word and a gun, than you can with just a kind word.” In other words young comics, the only nice words you should fully trust from a manager or booker are “here’s you money.”   This is not saying they are all liars or lie all the time, but to preserve your feelings in a business rife with disappointment, protect yourself first.

I'm cooperating with ya, just bring me ten friends and we'll talk. You bethca!

I'm cooperating with ya, just bring me ten friends and we'll talk. You bethca!

I looked on this club’s site a month after the “too many comics” e-mail and saw names on weekend shows (i.e. actually paid work, not the indentured servitude of unpaid “guest spots”) that I have never seen on those shows before.  I then checked the management/representation of those names and saw that it was the same two agencies representing a large majority of the comics booked at that club.  So while the nice answer may have eased my mind for a few weeks, the true answer, “we’re not booking you until you hook up with the right agency” or “we just don’t think you are good enough now” might have left me with a clearer plan and some dignity.  However, it also may have meant that the $10,000+ that my friends and family have given to that club over the years would have dried up.

But that is the basis of the bringer system, which feeds money to clubs and producers on a weekly basis in NYC.  You tell young comics how good they are when they suck because you know their friends are enthusiastic and will pay money to see their friend embark on a new and fun hobby.  So to get money you encourage lots of performances of shi**y comedy because you do not care about exploiting the overgrown dreams of a new comic.  I received just as many compliments from clubs when I was starting out as I do now.  I know I am good now, but I have watched early tapes and I make myself cringe.  But I could fill 3 bringers a month when I started doing comedy.  So I got filled with lots of false compliments from clubs.   Those compliments may have given me encouragement to continue and for that aspect I guess I should be thankful, but when my friend supply dried up no one came calling that “really good comic” named J-L anymore. 

But don’t think that this is a club only issue.  I have been told absolutely disgusting stories about bringers run out of lesser venues where comics who are lonely or friendless or just clueless are paying relatively exorbitant money just to get on shows based on promises that, even if true, do not warrant their expenses.  Much like the U.S. Congress, once the money begins flowing in the bringer system, it creates a corrupt and result-less process.

What’s The Matter With Comics?

I read the book “What’s The Matter With Kansas” several years back and it explored why so many working class Republicans worked in favor of a party that did not have their interests at heart (or at least in practice).  I think it is the same in comedy.  Every comedian believes that they can make it.  Last Comic Standing’s last two seasons had open casting calls in NYC.  Of the many, many hundreds that lined up up outside those two years, one made it to the next round, where he was eliminated and did not even get a clip of his comedy on television.  And I believe most people in line thought everyone else was wasting their time by showing up, except for themselves.   But all you are when you show up for an open casting call is an extra in the movie “The American Entertainment Dream.”  The stars are already cast and you are just there to make the stars look more heroic for standing out of the crowd. 

What do you call a breadline where there never was bread in the first place: Comedy Open Call.

What do you call a breadline where there never was bread in the first place: Comedy Open Call.

Oh Brother Where Art Thou?

Much like capitalism, the big villain in Michael Moore’s new film, comedy capitalism forces comics into being relatively selfish and dog eat dog.  Three years ago I had a pre-arranged audition for Last Comic Standing, meaning I was one of the many comics who bypassed the cattle call with a legit shot at getting on the show.  I did not get it, but I did not feel ashamed at the time for trying to “get mine.” And many comics would not begrudge me for doing so, but then I must begrudge myself, if one can do such a thing.  I do feel guilty about that.  At some point, like in America, I think that the “haves” of comedy must stand up for the “have nots.”  If I named the best comics in NYC in my opinion, I am sure there would be at least an 85-90% correlation with who the clubs and industry think are the best.  But to sustain the venues of those talented comedians, the comedy clubs, owners, bookers and industry place an unfair and unwarranted burden on the nobodies of comedy.  They have them line up outside of comedy clubs, not for a chance to achieve success themselves, but to artificially exalt those who are already having success.  They entice you with misleading promises and compliments so you will bring friends on a Tuesday, just so they can pay the electric bill and the rent for the “real comics” on a Saturday.  This is not about giving spots or work to lesser or newer comics; it is simply about respecting all comics as people.

People look at Goldman Sachs as emblematic of what is wrong with capitalism and how the rich get richer.  This is no less true of the comedy business.  Dreams are exploited (The American Dream of a house, car and good education versus your name in lights and artistic sacrifice paying off).  But comedy, like capitalism, has no end game except for the Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfelds of their respective arenas.   And because of that, no one speaks up because everyone is too buried in their own quest for success in the rat race to stand up and say, “Hey club or TV show – it is not okay to exploit my fellow comedians.  Even if they suck at comedy, their hope and dream is not something that you should be able to exploit.  Whether their comedy is good, great or terrible, their dream and desire is real.” No one says that. I did not say that three years ago and am not happy with myself.  I told myself last week, that no matter the result of the NY Funniest Comedian competition I would write this, because unlike a lot of my contemporaries I did stand on that line and the whole experience did not feel right.

New York’s Funniest Reject?

On Sunday I learned that I did not make the cut for the 30 semi finalists, which perplexed me and angered me.  I was fully prepared to go along with the charade and do two minutes of material, but was told not to.  Much like my status in the comedy world right now I was too qualified to audition, but not good enough to get the part.  So I had neither the satisfaction of performing, nor the gratification of advancing.  I have e-mailed politely requesting an explanation, but have not received it yet.

The names were a who’s who of up and coming comics in NYC.  Perhaps some of them were on line, but I do know that most walked right by.  I do not blame the comics for this because this is the system that dangles success carrots in front of them so that they have blinders to the exploitation of their less experienced or talented brethren. Or maybe some of them laugh and don’t care because some of those comics on line do in fact suck at comedy (possibly because they are new, possibly because they are not funny).  Who knows, but I think if asked to think about it manyestablished comics would acknowledge that it is not right, but would also shrug their shoulders and say, “what the fu-k can I do about it?”  

Because the plain truth is that from bringers to cattle call lines, the clubs know deep down that barring a comedy miracle, nothing is going to happen for these people that they entice to their clubs.   So I think if I ruled the comedy world this is the short wish list I’d have for comedians:

1) Boycott bringers in 2010 (unless you are doing it with a clear head to get a good tape AND THAT’S ALL)

2) Clubs would have no more open calls.  I would have no problem with the NY Funniest Comedian competition if it was submission or invitation only – this would be honest and that is all that I think comics are entitled to.  Honesty does not guarantee any success, but it does guarantee that the comedians get to keep more of their integrity.  There is one NYC club I would like to work at eventually if I ever attain the success I hope for, simply because they’ve never lied to me.  That is it.  I was never given excessive compliments, never given excuses or half-truths and that is really all any comic should want or feel entitled to. 

3) Comedy shows would book based on stand-up and not as if they were casting a cooky CBS sitcom. Otherwise I am just going to grow out a huge fro, wear glasses and not stop eating cupcakes until a heart attack or a development deal is mine. (This one is a little more selfish on my part).

Comedy Central had a show planned for Peter Jackson until he lost weight and glasses.

Comedy Central had a show planned for Peter Jackson until he lost weight and glasses.

I understand that comedy is a business, but I think comics need to stand up for the integrity of the business for their fellow comics.  In the 1970s comics went on strike to get paid.  That is a much more concrete demand than what I am writing about (PETC – People for The Ethical Treatment of Comics?), but integrity is still important.  I know this won’t change anything substantively (I am under no delusion that 30 comics will pull a Rudy tonight and hand in their microphones so that someone like Mick DiFlo, one of the most respected, but anonymous comics in NYC, can perform), but perhaps it will make some comics take a moment and think about what’s going on in comedy.

I know some may dismiss this as the sour grapes of an increasingly bitter comic, but I really would like to see the culture change and not just for me.  The only way I can see this helping is maybe if you know a new comic with some potential, or at least some enthusiasm you can tell them to approach the business more practically and avoid some of the things that will hurt them so that they can look at the business honestly, even if it won’t be honest with them. 

I remember two very well established comedians saying to me about 4 years ago: don’t do bringers.  Just write and perform over and over again.  Like anyone young, either in life or career, I did not listen until I was knee deep in regrets.  Maybe more young comics will be wiser than me.  Maybe not. 

If this is my Jerry Maguire Mission Statement then I can expect my career to go further South, but I having already had a legal career and a girlfriend with a son during my comedy career (check my 2 CDs for details), so I am in uncharted territory for Jerry Maguire. Wish me luck.

Show me the money (or the door)!

Show me the money (or the door)!

12 Responses to Comedy: A Love Story

  • I arrived in NYC two years ago and was told to do a really great show at “unnamed comedy venue” and to “tell your friends because it’ll be a good show! We’re thinking about headlining you soon, etc.” I didn’t even realize it was a bringer at first, then by the third show I thought “Oh, it’s a bringer for those people, and I’m the special guest”…Of course, I brought 6 friends to each show because I thought I was legitimately “making it” in NYC. Then by the 4th show, I only had one friend, and they gave me 3 minutes, instead of my usual 8-10. AND I DID THE TIME! I hate myself for doing it instead of taking a literal poop on the stage, but what sucked for me starting out is that all the older comics I had met early on told me “bringers are a necessary evil” and that I had to do them every once in awhile. I did my last one in January “just for a tape” and had an awful time. I don’t know why I didn’t learn from that first experience that every bringer is a sugar-coated version of the one I started with. I hope I don’t relapse.

    Not as deep as your words J-L, but I thought there should be more examples to support boycotting bringers. I’ve never learned anything from them save for the fact that I should stop doing them.

    The ‘meritocracy’ discussion I will save for a later date.

    Thanks!

  • It’s supply and demand. If there aren’t any comics doing bringers, there won’t be any bringers. Sure, there might be non-comics doing them, but that just makes the show an off-off-broadway play, and who cares about those?

  • Bringers are not as bad as people make them out to be. If they require few people and provide a free video, it can be the best way to build a reel.

  • I’m a newcomer to the comedy thing (6 months into it). I’ve done about five bringers. I confess I just jumped right into them without thinking too much about it. However, my bringee friends are drying up fast, and I’m wondering whether doing these shows might have some value besides getting a good tape. I mean, at least theoretically you have networking opportunities. What I’m curious to know is if aspiring comic A does no bringers (except for tapes) and comic B does quite a few of them, and they both get equally good (doing open mics and other practice venues), won’t the clubs that made money off of comic B opt for him/her instead of for comic A, whom they might have heard about but haven’t met (or made money off of)? It’s an honest question. Thanks for the great post.

    • I did at least 25 bringers at one club. I don’t think it makes a difference. The tape reason is a completely legit reason to do them. It is also the only legit reason to do them.

  • Comedy is a disgusting, demoralizing industry. I’ll save my comments on comedy “coaches” and comedy “classes” for a later date. Insightful post. Misery certainly does love company. I just need one more tape…or 12.

  • Can’t possibly agree more with wish list item #3. Nothing used to infuriate me more than hearing [basically]: “You were great, but we have enough funny jewish guys, so too bad. Come again when you are not you or if you survive the next holocaust because then there won’t be so many Jews and we would have a place for you.” In, as you correctly point out, the whacky sitcom that was the club’s lineup, I was a Jewboy too many.

  • I was on that cattle call last week in front of Caroline’s (Day 2. I believe you were day 1? I didn’t see you while I waited on line). In the 6 hours I waited (no exaggeration), I did NOT get in. The whole experience reeked of predetermined outcome. They knew who they wanted and we were kept waiting outside only to bolster the allure of this “audition”, much like a night club that keeps a line outside its doors to justify its own exclusivity. All I ask is “don’t bullshit me, man”: if certain comics are given preferential treatment via appointments, just let us all know so we don’t waste our time. But of course even THAT modicum of honesty is too much to ask. Never again… I learned my lesson.

  • the thing is we know what these cattle calls are about (even thecomicscomic.com hinted at the legitimacy of such things in a recent blog), we know what bringer shows are about, even even know that some clubs have “auditions” that are just there to get comics to sign up on a list so the person in charge of the bringer can contact them. We know this business, or at least we should. We’ve seen it before, we’ve waited in line before. To expect a different outcome is the definition of insanity (to quote Albert Einstein, insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”)

    You did bringers for stage time (you were even warned) and you got that stage time. That is a legit deal. For some comics starting out, that is the only way they can get on stage in front of an audience.

    I interned at a club for over a year, was promised an audition among other things, and nothing materialized. I quit. I was angry, but not at the system, I was angry at myself. Like you, I was warned by other comics that this particular club owner is a jerk and is not to be trusted, but like OJ’s current girlfriend I thought I was different. I kept my anger to myself, and just changed my behavior, I did not blog about it and have other comics call each other up and email each other saying “DId you read Josh’s blog? Man he’s looking to get banned, you know how fast these things spread.”

    Like I said to you before, many comics will give you a high 5, or leave comments on your blog with fake names, but no one is willing to stand up to the establishment because everyone also knows that it is nothing for a club to ban you. They’d rather let you fall on the knife while they watch and call the club about next week’s bringer.

    • I appreciate all that, but I think I am a little more directed in my criticisms of the cattle calls and bringers. Some comics really do not know the deal with the cattle calls and others need a wake-up. I am genuinely a glutton for punishment so I got on last week’s line. As far as bringers – it is hard to look at them level headed early on because you can’t help but get caught up in “who’ll be watching” or “how great you were” type lines. Those things are how people get lured from doing one for a tape into doing 6 or 7 in a year thinking things will happen.

      I know there are a lot of cowards out there and I won’t win any awards for this post. I’m just tired of the BS and would hope that at some point comics could band together, not for some major changes that will lead to everyone becoming a working comic, but just for some more honesty and not letting people get away with lies and manipulation all the time.

  • I would say NEVER do a bringer. I guess it can be a decent way to get a tape, but why not just rent or borrow a camera yourself and film a show you do?

    I did one bringer when I first started. I’d been doing comedy a month and at a mic someone said I should be on their show. I was extremely flattered and agreed to bring four friends. My friends spent $40-50 each to watch 12 comics, 75% of which were horrible, and none of which were name comics or “great”. I decided that night I’d never do a bringer again. I felt miserable that my friends had spent a combined $200 to subsidize my stage time and vowed never to do one again (and I haven’t – well except this one contest that I had to bring two friends to, but after that, never again).

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