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9 Reasons Tupac is Happy He Did Not Live to His 45th Birthday

Tupac Shakur, one of the most revered rappers of all time, whose career highlights included not being as good as Notorious BIG and being in the film, Poetic Justice, that rapidly destroyed John Singleton’s clout in Hollywood, died young in a hail of gunfire in 1996 in Las Vegas (after just finishing OJ: Made In America, didn’t OJ go to Vegas after his acquittal in 1995? very suspicious).  Well, social media is honoring Tupac today on what would have been his 45th birthday.  People wonder about how much great music we missed out on with “Pac” (I hate people who call him “Pac” – it’s the rap equivalent of when people call Robert DeNiro “Bobby”) and my guess is not much.  He would have probably transitioned into either a poor man’s Ice Cube or Eddie Murphy and now maybe you know where I am going with this – maybe the world and Pac’s legacy are better off with him dying early.

1) He would have probably signed with No Limit Records.  And then been a judge on American Idol or The Voice.  Ask Ricky Williams how he enjoyed signing with Master P.  And as rappers of the 90s became mainstream loveable like Snoop Dogg who went from Murder Was Tha Case to Eating Hot Pockets Like They’re Hot, 2Pac would likely follow suit:

2) Tupac would be doing family films. Ice Cube was a lot angrier than Tupac (and his debut film Boyz in the Hood is much better than Juice) and Hollywood money turned him into a chubby Dad doing movies with Kevin Hart. It is not a stretch to see 2Pac in a Tyler Perry movie as an evil black man lured by a white woman who gives him AIDS.

3) Tupac Tweeting #AllLivesMatter. Maybe it would not have happened, but do you really want to have found out what he would have said in 2014?

4) If he were still performing he would have done duets with Pitbull, Ke$ha and Justin Bieber.

5) He would have been on a reality dating show called 2Heartz.

6) If 2Pac got married and had children he would have to learn that Derek Fisher was trying to sleep with his wife.  As my buddy texted me last night – Derek Fisher is this generation’s Marcus Allen.

7) His hologram would have never appeared at Coachella.  In an age of screen watching over experiencing life, how lame would it be to have the actual Tupac performing at a music festival instead of a computer image of Tupac?

8) He would have had to sleep with Kris Kardashian as she is the only age appropriate member of the Kris Kardashian Klan available to ruin his life (like the KKK, this KKK destroys black men)

9) He might not be prepared for how many white people would be comfortable screaming “Give it to daddy nig*a!” in 2016 United States, while singing along to How Do you Want It.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on iTunes and/or STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe for free!

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